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adjusting to son becoming a smoker

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Old 05-26-2015, 03:59 AM
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Default adjusting to son becoming a smoker

Brendan left for college as an anti in the fall, always complaining about having to breath in my secondhand smoke. Dad smoking might have been ok when you were growing up but that is not true anymore. At the lawfirm I am a partner at, I am just about the only smoker left, so he does have a point.
When I picked him up at the airport for Christmas break, I thought I smelled smoke on him but blamed the smokers who were smoking outside where he was waiting. Brendan would never pick up smoking, I was sure about that.
When I drove to Portland to pick him up for the summer, I was in for a surprise.
As I got to the dorm Brendan was not there, I asked his roommate if he knew where I could find him. Probably at the smokers corner he said and took me there. Sure enough, there was my son just lighting up, inhaling deeply and clearly not a beginner anymore. When he saw me he looked a little guilty but said, care to join me dad or are we in a hurrie to leave.
On our drive home I asked him how long he already smoked and was surprised to hear he has been smoking since Thanksgiving. Of course I can't say anything about it but it will take some time to get used to the fact that my son is a smoker now.
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:38 AM
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Default It Will Quickly Get Better

I know there are those on this site who don't like talking about this subject, but it's a very real thing and deserves discussion.

In my humble opinion, this may actually lead to a closer connection between you and your boy. Why? Well, as reluctant as you may be to admitting this, your son's smoking could be one way he emulates you without his even realizing it. As a committed smoker who treasures his smoking, I personally have no problem with that.

Your son is obviously enjoying smoking. I suspect you, too, continue for the love of it like most of us here. And, don't be surprised to learn one day that others where you work are just keeping their smoking passion a secret. It's very common.

Once you have accepted that your son is a committed smoker who loves the act as much as you, you'll most likely smoke together when he's home. This inevitably can lead to more open lines of communication. So, relax and allow yourself to be glad he has found something he truly enjoys - just like you!
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:03 PM
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I can see how it's hard making that adjustment but once you grow accustomed to seeing Brendan smoking, it'll be a great way of bonding with him. My dad, brother and I are all smokers and it brings us closer as a family. Sharing a need/pleasure like that in common will probably benefit your father-son relationship in the long run.
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Old 05-28-2015, 09:54 AM
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After I got over the surprise that my youngest son had picked up smoking, he was the biggest anti of my children, it didn't bother me at all to see him smoke, it actually brought me closer to him and we now have a great father/son bond.
I am pretty sure you will get used to it soon enough and find out it is a great way to bond with Brendan when the two of you smoke together.
Good luck,

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Old 05-29-2015, 03:05 PM
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Very true.
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Old 06-06-2015, 04:43 PM
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Just accept it. As someone who grew up around a lot of smokers but lived in a very anti-smoking house, I got no support when I started. If my dad had been cool with it (much less if he had smoked himself) I would have been happier.

My uncle John smoked Camel straights and his son (my cousin) Johnny started when he was about 14 (Johnny smoked Marlboro Red). Uncle John was fine with it and the two of them would go out for smoke breaks at family events. It frustrated me that my dad wasn't as accepting. Still isn't. So go with it.
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Old 06-07-2015, 09:47 AM
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Default thanks

Thanks guys,

You are right, seeing Brendan smoke is already pretty normal now and it is a pleasure to sit in the backyard when I come home from work and have a couple of cigarettes and beers and just go over the day together. We seem to hang out more now than before he smoked and are closer than ever.
Watching the grumpy boy come down for breakfast, we don't smoke upstairs, grope for his pack of cigarettes and become human after a few deep drags is a sort of mirror as I am exactly the same in the morning.
Am I happy he started smoking, no not at all. In my time as a smoker it has become more and more difficult to be a smoker and I am sure it will only get worse. Brendan is making life difficult for himself by smoking.
Do I understand why he smokes, of course, smoking is great, after all these years I still love the feeling it gives me. Of course I need to smoke to be happy but the addiction is not the reason I still smoke. The enjoyment is why I smoke.
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